A: The holidays are stressful for everyone, but even more so for the parents of young children as well as single parents. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and, at times, helpless in handling the usual responsibilities of a job, household management and parenting. Then the holidays come along and bring with them an entire set of additional stressors. The onslaught from stores, TV, other family members and the children often leave a parent feeling agitated and/or depressed. Children's basic needs for love, belonging, acceptance and recognition requires that they spend time with their parents. Having unrealistic expectations of yourself, your children, spouse or other members of the family can lead to disappointments, miscommunications, anger, resentments, and the kind of conflicts and upheavals that take away the basic needs each person has. Consider trying the following this year:
1. Keep things simpler to lower your expectations of yourself and others.
2. Pace yourself. Try to do just one thing each day or week rather than all at once.
3. Ask for help from others. Trade off childcare with other parents so you can take turns shopping alone. Wrap gifts for someone and he or she, in turn, can bake for you.
4. Have a family meeting to allow everyone to share his or her thoughts and expectations for the holidays. Prepare some food, set a timer and develop a short agenda. Don't judge any ideas; just actively listen. You'll, of course, make the final decision on many of these suggestions.
5. Decide early which "adult" parties to go to, which "all-family" parties to attend, and plan childcare accordingly. Remember that babysitters are not necessarily available on one day's notice during the holidays.
6. Do not allow yourself or anyone else to make you feel guilty for decisions you make about gifts, food, parties or anything else. There are no "shoulds." You are your children's best judge of what is best.
7. You likely will reminisce about past holidays. Depending on your current state of mind, you may find these happy or sad. This is normal. Allow time to reminisce, but don't allow the past to interfere with the present.
8. Identify disasters from past holidays, and try to prevent them from happening again by planning earlier this year, for example.
9. Single parents can discuss with the child's other parent or grandparents what their plans are for visits, meals and gifts, so that the child is not caught in the middle of last-minute changes or receive far more gifts than he or she can realistically appreciate or enjoy.
10. Test out one or two of your favorite traditions from holidays past and begin your own family traditions. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to make it through the holidays. We all will make mistakes and become tired at some time. But giving gifts of ourselves -- from our hearts, make the best memories for our children.

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