DePelchin Children's Center :: Divorce: Visitation

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Divorce: Visitation

Q: My 4-year-old son is not allowed to bring toys from his father's home when he returns from weekend visits with him. During Christmas, this really has been a problem. My ex-husband and I split our son's wish list. The gifts my son receives from his father's family and Santa must remain in their homes. This causes quite a problem with special toys he wants to keep close to him. In the past, I have even duplicated gifts so my son won't feel deprived of his favorite toys. My ex-husband doesn't believe this is a problem, but he doesn't see what our son goes through when he gets home. How can I handle this better?

A: Young children can become confused by the adult rules surrounding exchange of clothes and toys when parents aren't living together. Each parent, however, should agree to allow the child to bring one or more toys back and forth during visitation weekends. Try to coordinate the Santa gifts with the other parent so they are not duplicated. Agree that the child will be allowed to take one or more important gifts that he selects to the other parent's home. It is important to make sure that the gift moves back and forth with the child until he is ready to leave it at one of the homes.

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