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Anger: Handling Q: My daughter, who is 8 years old, seems to become frustrated very easily. Her frustration makes her angry and she takes it out on others. We don't see this problem at home. This has, however, become a problem at school and some of the other children do not want to play with her. She is an only child. How can I help her? A: The most widely studied cause of aggressive behavior is frustration. To frustrate means to prevent someone from accomplishing a purpose or fulfilling a desire. Anger in children is often caused by interference with an on-going activity. It is not surprising that other children do not want to play with her if she takes out her anger on them. Frustration and anger are emotions that everyone experiences occasionally. How we deal with them is a behavior that can be learned: * Talk with your daughter about her feelings of frustration. Have her explain what contributes to her frustrations and how she would like things to be different. Help her identify what she can and cannot change. * When you see your daughter becoming aggressive, try to divert your child's attention to some other activity, like singing a song, reciting a rhyme or counting. * Send her to her room or another room to cool off. Sometimes it is best to ignore her behavior when possible and appropriate. It would not be appropriate, however, to ignore her or send her to her room alone if she is violent and likely to harm herself or others. * Don't resort to bribing her or giving into your daughter's demands. This may have an immediate effect but will only yield short-term benefits. * Talk with teachers and counselors at school to find out what techniques they use in dealing with aggressive behavior. * Make sure that you model alternative ways of dealing with frustration. Children will follow their parents' behavior. If you show anger often, work to gain control of your own frustrations or do it out of sight of your daughter. Monitor her progress. If she doesn't improve or gets more aggressive or violent, you should consult a child behavior professional for advice and help. Back to Today's Family |
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